Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
