im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
