Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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