I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
