one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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