I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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