who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
