Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
