i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
