dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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