This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
