Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
