so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
