I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
