You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
