Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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