I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
