apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
