we're blogging at a bar
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
