it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
