Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
