It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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