im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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