My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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