Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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