jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got inside last night via doggy door
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
