I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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