so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
