Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
