Your mouth is God's brothel.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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