We're like a lot better than the average bears
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
