Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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