I feel like abortions should bother me more
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
