Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
