if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
