I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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