Hey man sorry I got all grabby
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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