the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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