Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
