last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
