Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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