ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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