Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
