so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
