My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
