He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
