Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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