you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
