Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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