i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
