a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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