if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
