I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I need a beard to bite.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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