K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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