physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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